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养宠物的利弊问题。 There are numerous reasons that more and more people,with the city developing,pet some animals like dogs.I finally think this phenomenon is worth to be admited and I cannot skip it.(30words) 结构点评：第1段是1+1’的模式，即第1句介绍题目背景，第2句提出作者的观点。 巧妙之处：第1段的内容比较简单清晰，没有任何废话，句型尚可，不是很刻板的那种(就是100个人会60人用的那种)，避免了考官的审美疲劳! 语言方面：看了第1段，我的感觉并不好，我的预判是顶多6分(要注意，考官也会有预判的，他们都是批了n百份卷子的人，看了一些内容就能大致预判的出作者的水平的，所以第1段应该尽量减少错误，留个好印象。first impressions last forever!).蓝色出为语言错误的地方!!!应改为there are numerous reasons why... I think... worth admitting(这个内容上很莫名!) The point on the top of my list for my propensity is that pet can spend people's leisure time.Most of the animals have their own nature,for instance,a dog need to walk like a man need to eat.So we have to supply their need, of course,they will cost us a lot of time.But if we had free time,we would go out with them,by the way, for their nature.This also is an entertainment.(71words) 结构点评：此段是1’+4模式，即第1句是主体句，后接4句支持句!!! 语言方面：红色出为采用的套句。作者选择用套句引出主题句(这种方式在雅思考试中的确比较实用)。但是这句表达的不够好(果然作文不是我教，呵呵)。应改为：The point on top of the list for my propensity is that petting animals may require a spate of spare time. 此外：a dog needs to ... a man needs to... 后两句不知道作者想说什么，内容上有些重复和空洞，表达的不清楚!!! Another factor we cannot neglect is that a part of pet can be the right hands and left of the person who has a bodily disfigurement.For example,the dog can help the blind cross a street and others which they can't do by themselves.If there were no these pets in the world,they would not live alone. Actually,they are very useful,aren't they?Why not to pet them?(64 words) (责任编辑：admin) |
